Okay then…
This is where some of that neurospicy, literal thinking comes into play, because my gut instinct is to say it means “doing whatever I please!” But there’s an immediate push back to that mentality, because I also know it doesn’t come without cause and effect, because there are consequences, and there are a lot of things I don’t say and do for those exact reasons, even though I have the complete freedom to do so.
It’s not like I would be running down the street throat punching bigots or something, but I keep a lot of aspects of my life in reserve, and sometimes that’s uncomfortable. To fully embrace every part of myself within every social circle, or at my job, would mean opening myself up to a lot of things. So many of those things could be good, maybe even incredible, and I would revel in them. But, the fear of the potential bad things makes it easier to maintain the status quo.
So, I guess freedom for me would probably be having the spoons to engage in the hard conversations and not feel like the world is going to come to an end as a result. It’s probably something I should be practicing in lower stakes environments, but severe conflict aversion means the stakes would have to be sub-basement level in order for me to actively engage in that type of activity. In a way, that’s probably what this place is, at least while it remains in obscurity with no one to comment or engage with my inanities.
I keep poking and prodding at this site, trying to make it what I want it to be, without having a concrete answer to what IT is. So, cue me randomly swapping out components, scraping the bottom of the barrel of my memory for anything I might have retained about CSS editing, and just generally mucking around here while hoping I don’t do something that would irrevocably break the theme.
It feels like maybe I’ve gotten close to what I want now. It’s not going to be cat pictures as banners forever, but it makes me feel happy for the page to load and be greeted by a cozy Chanski. Plus, I have a button to automatically switch to night mode (in the top right corner), which is something I feel like every website should possess at this point.
I also figured out how to appropriately insert the daily writing prompt into a post, so that should be a bit more organic going forward. I like learning this by doing it. I think it makes the skills a bit more ingrained, and maybe I’ll actually settle in here for a bit. It’s a rather haphazard process though, with a lot of gaps in knowledge that are likely to come back to bite me in the future. But, I guess I’m not too bothered for the moment.
Right now, it feels like its easy to update this place once a day. I’d love for that to continue, but I’m really hoping that even if it’s not every day, maybe I won’t leave it to stagnate for months at a time to haunt the back of my mind with “you could be writing” during any spare moment.
Posted: by Kate
