Video Games, my History

I had such grand intentions when I originally wrote this post… back in July of 2022. And then I got all paranoid and just didn’t come back to finish it. So, here’s this thing that I wrote, almost 6 months ago. And I’m hoping to make a more concerted effort to post here going forward, now that Twitter has lost so much of its appeal. I still don’t know what this place will be for me, but I know I do better when I’m writing, even if it’s a dead-end blog no one else will bother to interact with.

I finally finished Portal on July 16, 2022.

After looking back through my emails I found the receipt from the day I first ordered it on Steam: June 29, 2018.

To trace the origins of this purchase, I blame someone on Reddit, who suggested Portal as the best game a person could play to learn how to use a video game controller; specifically for those who had done a majority of keyboard gaming, and wanted to make the switch. Why did I think I needed to learn how to do this? Because, I happened to be watching someone play games on Twitch, and it looked like they were having fun. Why was I watching this random person on Twitch? Because at some point, I listened to their podcast, and started following them on Twitter, where they regularly posted about streaming, to the point I finally decided to check it out for myself. (I could continue further down the rabbit hole of how I wound up with this game, but it gets convoluted with references to True Crime and V.C. Andrews)

Having at least finished Portal’s main story got me thinking back to when I first acquired it as a learning tool, and I wondered whether it was really that effective for me.

If I’m remembering correctly, I abandoned my initial run of Portal in Test Chamber 15. There was something about the mechanics of everything that just got too overwhelming in the moment, and it felt like it would be impossible for me to ever get past that stage.

I think some people take for granted that not everyone grew up with a gaming console in their lives, whether in their own home, or on the periphery at a friend’s or relative’s house. My previous video game experience can be whittled down to Tiger Electronics’ Beauty and the Beast (a birthday gift from a friend), a Power Ranger’s digital watch (I got that by saving up Cap’n Crunch UPCs), various knock-off versions of Tetris (awarded as prizes for selling something in a fundraiser), and ultimately, the illicit (I purchased it covertly and hid it from my family for months after) GameBoy Advance I got the summer of 2002. I suppose technically any of these count as video games in some capacity, but it was the GameBoy that really felt like it was officially for video games, and not just some beeping LCD toy.

Unfortunately, for all the legitimacy I felt the GameBoy gave me, it couldn’t begin to prepare me for the first time I sat down in front of a friend’s Nintendo 64 and attempted to play GoldenEye. It was such a cluster, I pretty much swore off the idea I’d ever be able to play “real” video games. There were so many buttons to push at one time, and you needed to control where you were looking, how you were moving, and somehow shoot at people without getting killed yourself. I’m pretty sure I wanted it to be over within 30 seconds of starting.

I’ve since learned shooting games aren’t really for me. Give me a side-scrolling adventure where I need to run, and maybe bounce on top of someone any day. The second I’m in a life-or-death scenario, my brain turns to pudding, and I’m basically mashing buttons until I somehow make it out alive, or die a (probably VERY) bloody death, doubly so if I’m doing this in any sort of co-op or social setting.

April of 2021, the peer pressure of the internet convinced me I needed a Nintendo Switch. It promised to be the best of both worlds, hand-held gaming, with the option to share the experience on the television when you’re at home. That was if you could get your hands on one since everywhere I looked, the moment they became available, they would be sold out, or scooped up by scalpers selling them for even more exorbitant prices.

When the Switch arrived, I lost my free time to hours of Stardew Valley, and then did a deep dive of every Nintendo and Super Nintendo version of Kirby. Ivory and I enjoyed late-night tournaments of Dr. Mario, and worked our way through co-ops of Mario Picross. I’ve since dabbled in Animal Crossing: New Horizons, continued my streak of having some iteration of Tetris on every device I’ve ever owned, and am still grinding away on the faster speeds of Mario Kart 8 with rather limited success.

When the Portal bundle showed up in the Nintendo shop, I went for it. As frustrating as I had found the game in Test Chamber 15, it no longer felt like I was holding an indecipherable object when I used the controller, and I hoped maybe now I would be able to handle it. When I managed to make it past that cursed stage I was pretty much on a roll, until I wasn’t. Still, I felt more appreciation getting to a point of frustrated rage quitting, not because it felt impossible, but more so because I just hadn’t quite gotten the timing down right. And there’s only so many times I’m willing to run through something unsuccessfully before maybe I need to just put the controller down, have a drink of water, and touch some grass (as they say in the parlance of today).

For whatever reason, I got to Chamber 19 and assumed “the game’s almost done, I’ll have this finished in no time!” I was convinced I’d get to the end, meet with a room lacking the repeatedly promised cake (I was at least aware of “The Cake is a Lie” prior to starting the game forever ago), and “ho hum, that was fun!” I’d move on to Portal 2. I was wrong, in the BEST possible way. In retrospect, I should have taken the vaguely sinister commentary GLaDOS provided a little more seriously. For as often as those test chambers were a tedious battle, it somehow made the back half of the game so worthwhile. I struggled, and occasionally went to the internet because I’d over-think something and realize there was an incredibly obvious exit I was overlooking, but eventually I made it.

People can complain about kids wasting time on games when they could be doing something more “worthwhile.” But, I can’t get over how satisfying it was, to have spent time building up a set of skills, and then using them to reach the conclusion of what turned out to be a compelling story. I’m looking forward to trying out Portal 2 soon.

So, did Portal teach me how to use a modern video game controller? In my case, I’d say it was less Portal, and more time and practice with a variety of different games. I’m still very hesitant to call myself a gamer. I think I can say video games are a hobby I enjoy. My personal favorite is always and forever going to be Tetris, but I had a lot of fun playing Kirby and the Forgotten Land, and Stardew Valley is always going to serve as something cozy I can pick up at a moment’s notice. Also, Portal was a twisted bit of fun.